19.7.15

Selfie Sticked

Hating on the selfie stick is so cool right now that I decided to show some love and warmth towards this symbol of modern society.

Selfie sticks are an ingenious invention that frees locals from the burden of having to take pictures of tourists while going about their daily lives.

Selfie stick haters don't know what it is like to have to go out of their usual way to avoid rosy cheeked and picture perfect tourists without selfie sticks who beg to have their pictures taken at randomly chosen locations.


The main argument that selfie stick haters have against selfie sticks is that they are supposedly held by narcissistic psychopaths according to several academic studies with a combined budget that is enough to feed the population of a small developing country for a year (and that's where the budget could have gone if the researchers had more compassion for people than desire to judge them)

At least narcissistic psychopaths don't pretend they are holier and more compassionate than the rest.

Also, narcissistic psychopaths are more likely to become great CEOs according to another academic study that studied half of the population of the planet to come up with this striking conclusion. You kinda have to be a narcissistic psychopath to ignore the fact that your factories have suicide nets.


The American Dream is alive and well and living in Vietnam

But there's more to selfie sticks than enabling narcissism: selfie sticks are perfect for scratching one's hard-to-reach areas, great for attaching curtains to curtain rods, and when combined with an old scarf they are also good for sweeping floors to name a few things.

Not to mention the fact that selling selfie sticks provides a way for refugees from war-torn zones who have not been properly integrated into society to feed their hungry children. Think of the jobs you are destroying every time you hate on the selfie stick for no particular reason other than to be cool.

Personally, I only bought a selfie stick after hearing about the selfie stick study in the hopes that people will finally start treating me with the dignity and respect that I deserve: like someone who possesses darker characteristics than Darth Vader.


So self assured even Darth Vader is taken aback

Definitely not to help out a sad looking refugee wandering the streets of Rome with a batch of selfie sticks and a sleepy baby on his shoulder.

If you don't understand what this post is about then according to another study it might be because you have dementia.